The Real Slim Shady

• Eminem
• Curtain Call

May I have your attention, please?

May I have your attention, please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat: Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We’re gonna have a problem here

Y’all act like you’ve never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door

And started whoopin’ her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwin’ her over furniture (ahh!)

It’s the return of the “Ah, wait, no way, you’re kidding

He didn’t just say what I think he did, did he?”

And Dr. Dre said nothing, you idiots

Dr. Dre’s dead, he’s locked in my basement (ha, ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

“Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I’m sick of him

Look at him walking around grabbing his you-know-what

Flipping the you-know-who.” “Yeah, but he’s so cute though”

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what’s goin’ on in your parents’ bedrooms (Uhh-uhh-uhh!)

Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose but can’t

But it’s cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

“My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips”

And if I’m lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that’s the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman’s clitoris is

Of course they’re gonna know what intercourse is by the time they hit fourth grade

They got the Discovery Channel, don’t they?

We ain’t nothing but mammals well, some of us, cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there’s no reason that a man and another man can’t elope (eugh!)

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women wave your pantyhose; sing the chorus, and it goes

I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

‘Cause Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don’t gotta cuss in his raps to sell records

Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you, too

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half o’ you critics can’t even stomach me, let alone stand me

“But Slim, what if you win, wouldn’t it be weird?”

Why, so you guys can just lie to get me here?

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear ’em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch put me on blast on MTV

“Yeah he’s cute, but I think he’s married to Kim, hehe”

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD (ahh!)

I’m sick of you little girl and boy groups; all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you

And there’s a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me, who just don’t give a fuck like me

Who dress like me, walk, talk, and act like me

And just might be the next best thing but not quite me

‘Cause I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won’t the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

I’m like a head trip to listen to, ‘cause I’m only giving you

Things you joke about with your friends, inside your livin’ room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y’all

And I don’t gotta be false or sugar-coat it all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it (rip), I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It’s funny, ‘cause at the rate I’m going, when I’m thirty

I’ll be the only person in the nursin’ home flirting

Pinchin’ nurses asses, while I’m jackin’ off with Jergens

And I’m jerkin’, but this whole bag of Viagra isn’t workin’

In every single person there’s a Slim Shady lurkin’

Who could be workin’ at Burger King, spittin’ on your onion rings

Or in the parking lot circling, screamin’ “I don’t give a fuck”

With his windows down and his system up

So will the real Shady please stand up

And put one of those fingers on each hand up

And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

Haha, guess there’s a Slim Shady in all of us

Fuck it, let’s all stand up