Andria

• La Dispute
• Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair

You still cross my mind from time to time

And I mostly smile

Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and

Why

So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen

Trying to figure out what my head thinks, but

My head just ain’t what it used to be

And then again, what’s the point anyway?

I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony

To see if you could see me, hidden quietly away

I remember the skin of your fingers

The spot three quarters up I’d always touch when I was out of things to say

You held my hand, but you were too afraid to speak

You were too afraid to speak and I could never understand

I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me, and I swear

Not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand

And I remember how you smiled through the smoke

In a crowded little coffee house and laughed at all my jokes

And I remember the way that you dressed

How we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat

And I remember when I knew that you’d be leaving

How I barely kept up breathing

And I bet, if I had to do it all again

I’d feel the same pain

And I remember panicked circles

In the terminal in tears

How I wept to god in fits

I’ve hated airports ever since

It must be true what people say

That only time can heal the pain

And every single day I feel it fade away, but

I still remember how the distance tricked us

And lead us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured

I still remember how we held so strong to this

Though we had never really settled on a way out

I still remember the silence

And how we’d always find a way to turn and run to our mistakes

I still remember how it all came back together

Just to fall apart again

My dear, I hear your voice in mine

I’ve been alone here

I’ve been alone here

I’ve been afraid, my dear

I’ve been afraid, my dear

I’ve been at home here

I’ve been at home here

You’ve been away for years

You’ve been away for years

I’ve been alone

I’ve been alone

I’ve been alone

I’ve been alone

I breathed your name into the air

I etched your name into me

I felt my anger swelling

I swam into its sea

I held your name inside my heart

But it got buried in my fear

It tore the wiring of my brain

I did my best to keep it clear

So, dear, no matter how we part

I hold you sweetly in my head

And if I do not miss a part of you

A part of me is dead

If I can’t love you as a lover

I will love you as a friend

And I will lay a bed before you

Keep you safe until the end