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a Letter

 

Everybody wants a reason for everything

It’s so much easier with someone or something to blame

I’ve always struggled at the root of the problem

Has it been absence or my constant lack of defense?

 

I’ve never spent a lot on finding a remedy

I guess I figured that it hurt for a reason, I guess

That’s why I’ve always turned to writing it down

Not just in stories, but the letters in between, and

 

I guess that’s why it haunts the pages of everything

To self-examine

 

I think the thing is that I shut off from everything

From friends and family and my own ambitions

From having fun; I just shut off from everything

Self-defeating? Yeah, probably, but I don’t

 

Know that I had total control over it

And I’m not sure it even matters why

Sometimes things happen and you can’t do anything

Plus, I’m the only one who deals with it anyway

 

So if everyone could do me a favor and just

Put their fingers down, I’d and keep your mouths

 

Sorry, I know I seem angry. I’m not, I ;

I promise, I just know I did this to me

And I will deal with it accordingly, and I

Don’t need opinions from those never a part of it

 

Don’t need them pointing out my problems, they’re mine

Don’t need reminders; I know better than anyone

And yeah I know, I should be finding another way

I know that I should be out seeking a substitute

 

But just forgetting never really made sense to me

So I haven’t been

 

Do I feel embarrassed about it?

I think you know the answer to that

I think you’d probably feel a little bit

Embarrassed for me, wouldn’t you?

 

I know I should’ve moved on ages ago

Been happy already, but

It’s never been that easy for me

Or maybe it was me that made it so hard

 

I know I’ve only ever tried a handful of times

To sever this thing torturing me

It never got me anywhere

With anyone; no friendship or hobby, no lover’s bed worked

 

But looking back I maybe never tried hard enough

And it is my fault

Maybe I never tried at all